7 Things For You To Know About The Man God Has For You by STEPHAN LABOSSIERE

So where is he? When is he coming? and what in the world is taking his behind so long?...I know that's what you're thinking, and I completely understand how you feel. Waiting for the man God has for you can get annoying, frustrating, and at times feel hopeless. It's not an easy path to walk, but when done right, it is without a doubt going to provide the most benefit. Does God really have a man just for you? Well to be honest, the answer is yes and no. It's "no" in the sense that you are not locked in to get a specific man, no matter what you do. The idea that there is a soul mate who you are guaranteed to be with is simply not true. You have decisions in life you have to make, and plenty of people make choices that block them from being with the person who is truly best for them. Notice I said "the person who is truly best for them". This is where I believe the term "soul mate" can be applied, and this is where the "yes" comes in when asked the question "does God really have a man just for you?" God knows every person who will walk into your life. He knows who will align with your purpose, and be able to have a successful relationship with you. He will embrace any choice you make, but what you think is a good choice may not be God's choice. Some of you are familiar with the phrase "wait for your Boaz". For those of you who are not familiar with it, allow me to give a quick explanation. Boaz is a character from the Book of Ruth in the Bible. Ruth was a woman who ultimately received this man as a husband, and many people in the church use this story when speaking to single women hoping to someday receive a great relationship and marriage in their life. So to say "wait for your Boaz" is basically a reference or symbolic of saying wait for the man God has for you. Because when you move forward in obedience, patience, and faith, then you can receive your blessing. So again, the question is, "does God have a man that is just for you?" Well to be technical, if you read the scripture 1 Corinthians 11:9 KJV it states "Neither was the man  created for the woman; but the woman for the man." Basically you were created to be a blessing to a great man who puts God first. Not that this is your only purpose, but in regards to relationships, this is the dynamic. With that said, you have to be able to recognize who is worthy of you as their blessing, and who you truly best fit with. This list will help you with recognizing the qualities that need to be in place before you move forward with that man, and a glimpse into the work you have to put in for him to receive you.

 1. You Will Be Attracted To Him 

You know what they say, "God don't like ugly!" Ok, I know that quote isn't referring to looks, but have you ever sat down and thought about what God thinks about the issue of attraction? Do you really think God is expecting you to be with someone you have no physical attraction to? Are you someone who believes "looks don't matter", and that it's only what's on the inside that counts? Everyone is beautiful in their own way and in the eyes of God. However, don't be fooled into thinking God is trying to set you up for a romantic relationship that lacks a physical attraction. The reality is that a physical attraction is what takes a relationship from platonic to romantic. Think about it...Do you know what a relationship without physical attraction is? It's called a friendship, or roommates, or even play cousins, you get the point. When you find two people who get along great and you ask one of them why they aren't trying to be in a relationship with the other, the most popular answer you get is "I'm not attracted to him/her". Attraction is the missing ingredient and God is fully aware of this dynamic. What's on the inside is what truly counts, but that doesn't mean what's on the outside gets completely dismissed. However, let's not confuse "looks" with "attraction". You see, the man God has for you may come in a package you never expected. He may not have the "looks" that you feel you want in a man. He may not be as tall as you dream about, he may have a different build, and a completely different style. The possibilities are wide open, but what he will have is the fact that you are "attracted" to him. Despite what a person's preferences may be, everyone has come across people that fell outside that profile, yet they still found themselves attracted to that person. You shouldn't get so stuck on a certain look, but nobody should expect you to bypass a lack of attraction just for the sake of being with someone who is a "good guy". It's typically a setup for disaster, and that isn't what God wants for you.

But wait, looks will fade, so isn't it shallow to embrace superficial desires? NO! Again, looks is one thing, attraction is another. There are plenty of elderly couples who don't look like what they did when they were younger, but do not get it twisted, because they can still be ATTRACTED to their partner. They still have that twinkle in their eye, and they still see beauty when they look at each other. There is a big difference between naturally aging, and letting yourself go. Many who have let themselves go have seen attraction fade, but many who have gracefully aged have not had to struggle the same. Ultimately God wants to be glorified in all that he blesses you with. The reality is that if He only gave you a good guy that you're not attracted to, then the glory would fall short. Why? because you wouldn't be as excited and into it. Have you seen a woman who is with a man she isn't attracted to? If you have, then I'm sure you have noticed her lack of energy, excitement, and desire with that man. That is not ideal, and God only wants the best for you. The man God has for you may not come in the package you expected, but he will be able to provide you with exactly what you needed. Which includes love AND attraction.

 2. He Will Love & Cherish You, Not Mistreat & Disrespect You 

I know what you may be thinking. You're thinking this is an obvious one. Or that this is "common sense". You're thinking women should already know this. Well, common sense isn't always so common, and it's really easy for someone to get blinded when engaged in an unhealthy attachment. You or a friend of yours can find yourself in, or be in a situation like this, but you're not seeing it for what it is. What is obvious disrespect to one person, may be viewed differently by another. What is a blatant lack of love and attention to one person, may simply be exactly what their parents had, so it all seems normal to the person who is in it. One person's perceived reality is not another person's perceived reality, but it all still only has one truth at the end of the day. Everybody makes mistakes, but consistent negative behavior is not a mistake. It is proof of deeper issues that if left unaddressed, will go on to wreak havoc in your life. That principle is true of your issues, but in this case we are talking about the men you choose to romantically entertain in your life. If he isn't willing to work on his issues, then he isn't the man for you. If he isn't willing to hear you out and try to embrace how you feel, then he isn't the man for you. If he is abusive verbally and/or physically, then he is not the man for you. Don't look for ways to give a pass to destructive behavior and to ignore the red flags slapping you in the face. You are not here to be any man's verbal, physical, or emotional punching bag. You are God's child. You are his daughter. A good father only wants the best for his daughter, and would not ask for you to be with a man who isn't willing to love and cherish you as you deserve. He would want that man to be an extension of him, a man that he knows has only good intentions, and wants to protect your mind, body, and spirit. There is no father greater than God, so you better believe He only wants you to have a great relationship filled with love and positive energy. It's not that He expects perfection, but the man should have a genuine desire to honor God blessing him with you in his life. 

3. You Will Not Have To Make Him Into A Man 

God has a man for you, not a boy you have to mold into a man. This idea that you need to grow with a man who has yet to first come into his own, is misguided. Yes you can be the source of inspiration and motivation. Yes you can be loving and supportive. Yes you can pour into him in ways that contribute to his growth. HOWEVER! all of this can be done while you are his FRIEND! Like actual friends, not the acting like your his girlfriend, and giving him some booty friends. God didn't call you to be in a relationship with a boy who has yet to become a man. You run a lot of risks trying to be in a relationship with a man's "potential". In most cases you will find yourself making a huge investment of time and energy, only to end up feeling cheated by the lack of return on your investment. While you think you're building him up, all you're really doing is making things convenient for him. You're providing all of these benefits when he has yet to become qualified for the job. Not only is he not qualified at the moment, but he isn't putting in the extra work, yet you continue to give him all he could ask for. Do you really think this will push him to higher levels, or do you see how someone can easily become content and complacent in this position? Forget him for a second, let's talk about you. While you're so busy trying to "build a man", you're not pouring enough into yourself. You're so consumed by this guy, that you have forgotten about the things God wants you to focus on in your life. You may be a great woman, but there is still work for you to do while becoming and continuing to be the woman God wants you to be. It's not your responsibility to make a boy into a man, unless that boy is your own child. You were not made to be anyone's crutch, you were designed to be a man's partner and helper. This brings me to the next thing you should know... 

4. He Is Looking For A Helpmate, Not A Playmate

Boys always want to play and men are always ready to work. Boys look for playmates, and men desire a helpmate. Do you see where I'm going with this? The man God has for you is looking for something more than someone to play with. He isn't about all the games and child's play. He is a much more focused individual who has a grasp of what he wants to accomplish in his life and in a relationship. Lies, unwillingness to commit, disrespect, and other negative behaviors are not signs of a man who is serious about you. They are signs of a man who is only looking to play with you. You may be thinking, "maybe he isn't ready to commit now, but if I stay in his life long enough then when he's ready he'll pick me to be with". You see, now he isn't playing you, you're just playing yourself. Sure it's possible, but how many women have you seen try this only to end up empty handed or watch him go be with another woman? Don't worry I'll answer that for you...to dang many, that's how much! It's a flawed approach, and you should not consider it going forward. If you don't want to end up being a man's playmate then you shouldn't play games either. A man that is God approved to be with you is a man who is trying to work with you. He has built himself up to this point, but now he wants to build greater things with you. The last thing he is trying to do is play you, and he is only interested in making you feel more secure about being with him. The boys will bring you confusion and chaos. The men desire to provide you with clarity and peace. So if necessary, go make yourself a sign that reads, "No boys, no games, just men." Make sure you adhere to it.

 5. You Will Experience A Genuine Connection With Him

 In life you're going to come across a lot of men who catch your eye. You're going to meet and talk to several guys you like. You may even have a few situations where you think you love this man. However, you're not going to experience a deep and genuine connection with all of them. To be honest, a lot of people don't experience a special connection with more than one person; however there are some exceptions to that rule. One way or another, having a genuine connection is a special experience. It doesn't happen with most people. Which is why a special connection is a strong indicator of a man being the one God has for you. There was a 32 year old woman named Michelle who reached her breaking point. She was frustrated with her lack of a relationship, and with feeling all of the guys she met were only after sex. She was ready to swear off dating and relationships, and to simply focus on her career. Before she took that step, she decided to pray one last time and ask 

God to finally bless her with the man for her. She felt she was a good woman and deserved to receive a good man. Two days later she happened to go to a networking event. While she was there she met a handsome, well put together man. He was exactly her style at about 6'1, strong frame, and a very nice smile. They spoke at the event and got along very well. It lead to exchanging numbers and her going home a very happy woman. She was excited and praised God. She felt this just might be "the one". Well, time progressed. They went from dating to being in a relationship. During this time she spoke to me about her situation and the potential for it to turn into marriage. I was happy for her, but couldn't help but pick up on the vibe that something wasn't right. I asked her more questions about their relationship. It became clear that though they got along, they didn't really have a genuine and deep connection. They both like what each other brought to the table, but that doesn't mean they truly enjoy sitting and eating at the table together. Think about what I just said. They like all the hype and surface benefits of this relationship. However, take that away, and there isn't much else going on here. To make a long story short, this relationship eventually failed, and never made it to marriage (thank God). He was not the man God had for her. The proof was in their lack of a genuine connection. Without it a relationship will not have long term success. Without it, you can be assured this is not the man for you. To have a connection, it's like two spirits recognizing its counterpart. It isn't driven by what you see on the surface or what you break down logically in your mind. It will be born from within. It will occur naturally. This is what God has waiting for you. This is something to be mindful of when determining which man to embrace in your life.

 6. He Will Love God There is no perfect man; therefore, there is no perfect man of God.

 Many may try to present themselves as such, but everyone has their flaws. The reality is God isn't telling you the man he has for you will get it all right, but he will be a man who strives for better. Why? Because he will love God, which in turn will equip him with a great foundation to be able to truly love you. There is no point in God giving you a man who has no desire to put Him first. That would already show his priorities aren't in order, and it will throw off the entire relationship. He may know who God is, he may be able to quote scripture, or even claim God told him you're his wife. However, if his actions do not show a man with his heart in God, then he isn't the man or isn't ready to be the man to be given the honor of holding on to your heart. He may be in the church, but that doesn't mean he truly has a relationship with God. Again, it isn't about him being perfect because he will certainly have his flaws. However, there is a difference between a man who loves God but struggles with his flesh versus a man who loves his flesh and struggles with embracing God. One can acknowledge he has weaknesses and humble himself in understanding that he needs to do better. The other will try to validate and excuse his flaws while dismissing the need for any correction. "By their fruit you will recognize them" ~ Matthew 7:16. Not simply the words he speaks. There are men who can scream Hallelujah, but only have intentions to bring you hell. You may be thinking, "Well what if he just isn't there yet? Maybe I'm supposed to help him get to God?" True, but that can be accomplished as a friend, not while giving him girlfriend/wife benefits. It isn't your job to "save him" through a romantic relationship. God loves you, and he hasn't called you to take on that responsibility in that way. Trust that the process must be handled differently, and that God wouldn't want you to take that next step until this man loves Him enough to be trusted with handling the blessing of being with you.

 7. He Will Want All Of Your Love, Not Just A Piece Of It 

A whole man wants a whole woman. Let that marinate for a second....matter of fact let me repeat that for you. A whole man wants a whole woman. You desire a man that is well rounded and well put together, so what do you think he wants? You want a man who can be open, honest, and give you all of his love. Well what do you think he will want? You would love to have a man who doesn't come with a heap load of baggage and issues that will only have a negative impact on a relationship. Well have you checked your bags at the door? There is a piece of advice that you may have heard before. It says that you should find a man who loves you more than you love him. If you agree with this piece of advice, then I want you to sincerely know that you have lost your ever-loving mind. Ok, maybe that's too harsh, but you have certainly been misled and bamboozled. This is some of the worst advice ever told (no shade to those who have given it). Again, a whole man wants a whole woman. The only reason you would be looking for someone who loves you more,is because you are still damaged from the one who hurt you. The only way you could even attempt to quantify that someone loves you more than you love them, is if you're not truly in love with them at all. So you see, all of this would mean you were not a whole woman, and you would simply be trying to entertain an incomplete relationship. So again I ask, have you checked your bags at the door? The man God has for you wants every bit of you. He wants to give you his all, and wants the same in return. You say you want that kind of love, but are you truly, and I mean truly, prepared to give it? Are you asking "God Where Is My Boaz?" but in reality love scares you, and "Boaz" can't save you. You may have your walls up so high, that you wouldn't be able to see the man God has for you when he comes into your life. You may be thinking that you will bring those walls down when that man finally comes. Well read this carefully; No man can heal you, no man can make you whole. You complete yourself first, and then you will be able to bring and embrace that whole man into your life. Now I need to tell you something, and this is very important for you to understand. All of these things I mentioned are needed for you to move forward with a man and have a long lasting, fulfilling, and amazing relationship. However, this does not mean that you may not meet this man or become aware of him before he has truly grown into his position of being with you. You could come across a scenario where it's the right person, but the wrong time. You both could need more time for growth, and God knows when it would be best for you to move forward. This is why it is so important to pray, and ask God before you try to make things happen with any man. You don't need to date his potential, and you don't need to be with him with the belief that he will eventually become the man you need. You seek God's guidance, and you take His directions on how to proceed. This will save you a lot of headaches, and set you up nicely for great success. What God has for you is something Amazing, but that doesn't mean the path to receiving your blessing is going to be an easy one. There is work you have to put in, and that work starts with you. Yes, you are a great woman as you are, but that doesn't mean there aren't steps that still need to be taken on your end. There are many things to discuss here, and I highly recommend you get your copy of the bestselling book "God Where Is My Boaz" to gain more insight on what may be hindering your progress. So that you can start to truly prepare and position yourself for the amazing life and relationship God wants you to experience.

7 Questions 7 Answers 

1. I love the man I'm with, but he is abusive at times. I pray for him, and I believe things can get better. What can I do to improve my relationship?

 I understand you feel you love this man, but abuse is not acceptable. I'm not against the idea that he could change, but you remaining in the relationship hoping for that to happen isn't the way to achieve that. He needs help for his deeper issues, and you have to take time to work on yourself, and the issues that you have not resolved within you. I know walking away isn't easy, but it is necessary. Give this number a call so that you can receive additional assistance with your situation 1-800-787-3224 National Domestic Violence Hotline

 2. I've been told that I should be more willing to build with a man. Recognize his potential and work with him from there. Is it wrong for me to want a man who has already established himself? 

No there is nothing wrong with you not wanting to enter into a romantic relationship with a man who has yet to establish himself. I understand the position of some that say otherwise, but most are speaking with a slight bias. The reality is as I pointed out, this isn't a great way to start a romantic relationship. It backfires way more than it works. So this is why the support should come as a friend, and if this man is serious about doing something with his life, then it's on him to put things into action.

 3. A lot of men want sex, and sometimes as a woman I may be ok with that arrangement. I figure if there is real chemistry it can still evolve into a real relationship. So why can't I just enjoy friends with benefits, and go with the flow? 

Well first you have to be honest with yourself about what you want. You either just want to have sex, or you want to have a relationship. Trying to use sexual arrangements like friends with benefits, with any hope that it can turn into more is a HUGE mistake. Yes there are scenarios where it happened, but that is a very small minority. In most cases if you sign up for sex, then that is exactly what you will get. So don't play that game, because you will just play yourself. Also if you truly want what God has for you, then I encourage you to work harder to not engage in things that will only be a distraction and take you off your path. Abstinence is a really good thing when done right. Trust me I know it isn't easy, but you will make it easier to stay away from unnecessary foolishness, stress, and heartbreak.

 4. I have met a lot of guys that I was interested in, but I'm not really sure if I have ever experienced a connection. Can you help me understand better how to know when you have a connection with someone? 

I firmly believe that as a woman you will know deep inside when there is and is not a connection. However I still want to provide you with some practical keys to recognizing one. - You can truly be yourself with this person: if you can't be you, then how can there be a true connection. They would be connecting to your representative, and that holds no value for long lasting and happy relationship. - You two have great communication: if you two can't talk to each other, then again how can there be a true connection. Lack of communication or constantly dismissing each other's feelings is a clear sign that there is no genuine connection here. - Your feelings for them are stronger than anyone you have come across: now this one needs to happen with the other two in place. Because you don't want to confuse infatuation, lust, and other feelings for genuine feelings of love and connection. If the other two are in place, then this one becomes a good indicator. - You prayed about it: I don't mean you prayed and asked God for this man to be the one, and for everything to work out. No, I mean that you prayed and asked God IF this man was the one, and how you should proceed. If God hasn't co-signed, then any thought of a connection is voided. I could get a lot deeper, but that is a good place to work from when determining if there is a connection. 

5. I've had a man tell me that God told him I was his wife. He was a really good guy, and seemed to be very much into God. So I gave him a chance, but it didn't work out at all. Going forward should I just ignore when a man says this? How should I respond to him? 

Well first, let me tell you how to respond. You say to him in return, that you need to get that word from God yourself before you can truly entertain being with him. Simple as that, because truly you shouldn't getting into any relationship based on what someone else says to you, and that includes friends, family, or church members. After that, you simply follow through on what you said. Pray and talk to God about it. Until the answer is clear to you, then the most you can/should give is friendship. 

6. People tell me that I'm too picky with guys. That I should be more flexible on some of my desires, and be more open to dating a guy that may not be really good looking. Personally I want my future husband to be someone that looks really good to me, but am I going to end up alone because of this? You have every right to desire a good looking man as your future husband. You should not give in to any guilt that the people around you are trying to throw at you. This is your life, and you have to do what truly works best for you. However, don't be so focused on looks, that you overlook a genuine connection and the fact that there is a connection. As I mentioned earlier, he may not fit the package you're aiming for, but you can still find yourself attracted to him, and that's what's most important. With that said, if you take the right steps to attracting a great relationship, then you will not end up alone due to your desire for a strong attraction. 

7. Ok so I will admit that I have walls up, but to me they are valid. I've been hurt too many times, and I'm not trying to let that happen again. Can't I still find love and protect myself at the same time? Unfortunately, you can't. Well, you make it 100x harder, and therefore you most likely will not be able to receive love when you are too busy trying to protect yourself from being hurt. I say "receive" because you can still come across that man who is willing to be everything you need, but your fear will get the best of you, and you will question everything about this man. So in the end, until you heal, you simply will not be able to move forward and embrace what is in front of you. The walls must come down, and you simply have to learn how to navigate through life and relationships better to experience greater success.